>>DIVINE
MERCY
APOSTOLATE .... Diary
Divine
Mercy in my Soul PDF File
Notebook I 1-50 51-100 101-150 151-200 201-250 251-300 301-350 351-400 401-450 451-500 501-521
Notebook II 522-600 601-650 651-700 701-750 751-800 801-850 851-900 901-950 951-1000
Notebook III 1001-1050 1051-1100 1101-1150 1151-1200 1201-1230
Notebook V
1322-1400 1401-1450 1451-1500 1501-1550 1551-1589
Notebook VI 1590-1650 1651-1700 1701-1750 1751-1803
Preparation for Holy Communion 1804-1828
Diary Divine Mercy in My Soul ( V: 1451 1500 )
|
|
Notebook 5 |
|
|
1451 |
+ I am ending the old year with suffering and
beginning the new one with suffering as well. Two days before the new year, I
had to go to bed. I was feeling very bad, and a violent cough was weakening
me. And together with this, a constant pain in my intestines and nausea had
brought me to the point of exhaustion. Although I could not join in community
prayer, [224]
I united myself spiritually with the whole community. When the sisters got up
at eleven o'clock at night to keep vigil and welcome the New Year, I had been
writhing in agony since nightfall, and this lasted until midnight. I united
my sufferings with the prayers of the sisters who were keeping vigil in the
chapel and atoning to God for the offences of sinners. |
|
1452 |
When the clock struck twelve, my soul immersed
itself more deeply in recollection, and I heard a voice in my |
|
1453 |
Today is the Feast of the New Year. I felt so bad
in the morning that I barely managed to go to the next cell to receive Holy
Communion. [225]
I could not go to Mass because I felt so sick, and I made my thanksgiving in
bed too. I wanted so much to go to Mass and then to confession to Father
Andrasz, but I felt so bad that I could go neither to Mass nor to confession.
And because of this my soul suffered a good deal. After breakfast, the Sister
Infirmarian [Sister Chrysostom] came along and
asked, "Sister, why didn't you go to Mass?" I answered that I
couldn't. She shook her head disdainfully and said, "Such a great Feast
Day, Sister, and you don't even go to Mass!" and she left my cell. I had
been in bed for two days, writhing in pain, and she hadn't visited me; and
when she did come, on the third day, she did not even ask if I were able to
get up, but asked irritably why I hadn't got up for Mass. When I was alone, I
tried to get up, but I was seized again with sickness, and so I stayed in bed
with a calm conscience. Yet my heart had plenty to offer the Lord, joining
itself spiritually to Him during the second Mass. After the second Mass,
Sister Infirmarian returned to me, but this time in
her capacity as infirmarian, and with a
thermometer. But I had no fever, although I was seriously ill and unable to
rise. So there was another sermon to tell me that I should not capitulate to
illness. I answered her that I knew that here one was regarded as seriously
ill only when one was in one's last agony. However, knowing that she was
about to give me a lecture, I replied that at the present time I was in no
need of being incited to greater zeal. And once again, I remained alone in my
cell. |
|
1454 |
+ When night fell, the physical sufferings
increased and were joined by moral sufferings. Night and suffering. The
solemn silence of the night made it possible for me to suffer freely. My body
was stretched on the wood of the cross. I writhed in terrible pain until
eleven o'clock. I went in spirit to the Tabernacle and uncovered the
ciborium, leaning my head on the rim of the cup, and all my tears flowed
silently toward the Heart of Him who alone understands what pain and
suffering is. And I experienced the sweetness of this suffering, and my soul
came to desire this sweet agony, which I would not have exchanged for all the
world's treasures. The Lord gave me strength of spirit and love towards those
through whom these sufferings came. This then was the first day of the year. |
|
1455 |
Also on this day I felt the prayer of a beautiful
soul [probably Father Sopocko or Father Andrasz] who was praying for me and
giving me, in spirit, his priestly blessing. I answered in return with my own
ardent prayer. |
|
1456 |
+ O most gracious Lord, how merciful it is on Your
part to judge each one according to his conscience and his discernment, and
not according to people's talk. My spirit delights and feeds more and more on
Your wisdom, which I am getting to know more and more deeply. And in this,
the vastness of Your mercy becomes more and more manifest to me. O my Jesus,
the effect of all this knowledge on my soul is that I am being transformed
into a flame of love towards You, my God. |
|
1457 |
+ January 2, 1938. As I was preparing for HolyCommunion today, Jesus demanded that I should write
more; not only about the graces which He grants me, but also about external
matters, and this for the consolation of many souls. |
|
1458 |
+ After that night of suffering, when the priest
[Father Matzanger 226]
entered my cell with the Lord Jesus, such fervor filled my whole being that I
felt that if the priest had tarried a little longer, Jesus himself would have
leaped out of his hand and come to me. |
|
1459 |
After Holy Communion the Lord said to me, If the priest had not
brought Me to you, I would have come Myself under the same species. My
daughter, your sufferings of this night obtained the grace of mercy for an
immense number of souls. |
|
1460 |
+ My daughter, I have
something to tell you. I replied, "Speak, Jesus, for I thirst for
Your words." It
displeases Me that, because the sisters were murmuring, you did not ask to
have Father Andrasz hear your confession in your cell. Know that, because of
this, you gave them even greater cause for murmuring. Very humbly I begged the
Lord's forgiveness. O my Master, rebuke me; do not overlook my faults, and do
not let me err. |
|
1461 |
+ O my Jesus, when I am misunderstood and my soul
is in anguish, I want to stay a while alone with You. The words of mortals
give me no comfort. Do not send me, O Lord, such messengers as speak only for
themselves and say what their own nature dictates to them. Such consolers
make me very tired. |
|
1462 |
January 6, 1938. Today, when the chaplain [Father
Theodore] brought the Lord Jesus, a light issued from the Host, its light
striking my heart and filling me with a great fire of love. Jesus was letting
me know that I should answer the inspirations of grace with more
faithfulness, and that my vigilance should be more subtle. |
|
1463 |
+ The Lord also gave me to know that many bishops
were considering the question of this Feast, as well as a certain lay person.
Some were enthusiastic about this work of God, while others regarded it with
disbelief; but in spite of everything, the result was great glory for the
work of God. Mother Irene and Mother Mary Joseph were giving some kind of a
report to these dignitaries, but they were being questioned, not so much
about the work, as about myself. 227
As regards the work itself, there was no doubt, since the glory of God was
already being proclaimed. |
|
1464 |
I feel much better today. I was glad I would be
able to meditate more during the Holy Hour. Then I heard a voice: You will not be in
good health. Do not put off the Sacrament of Penance, because this displeases
Me. Pay little attention to the murmurs of those around you. This surprised me, because
I am feeling better today, but I gave it no more thought. When the sister
switched off the light, I began the Holy Hour. But after a while something
went wrong with my heart. I suffered in silence until eleven o'clock, but
then I began to feel so bad that I woke up Sister N. [probably Sister Fabiola], who is my roommate, and she gave me some drops,
which brought me a little relief so that I could lie down. I now understand
the Lord's warning. I decided to call any priest at all, the next day, and to
open the secrets of my soul to him. But that was not all, for while I was
praying for sinners and offering all my sufferings for them, the Evil Spirit
could not stand that. |
|
1465 |
Taking the form of an apparition he said," Do
not pray for sinners, but for yourself, for you will be damned." Paying
no attention to Satan, I continued to pray with redoubled fervor for sinners.
The Evil Spirit howled with fury, "Oh, if I had power over you!"
and disappeared. I saw that my suffering and prayer shackled Satan and
snatched many souls from his clutches. |
|
1466 |
Jesus, lover of human salvation, draw all souls to
the divine life. May the greatness of Your mercy be praised here on earth and
in eternity. O great lover of souls, who in Your boundless compassion opened
the salutary fountains of mercy so that weak souls may be fortified in this
life's pilgrimage, Your mercy runs through our life like a golden thread and
maintains in good order the contact of our being with God. For He does not
need anything to make Him happy; so everything is solely the work of His
mercy. My senses are transfixed with joy when God grants me a deeper
awareness of that great attribute of His; namely, His unfathomable mercy. |
|
1467 |
January 7, 1938. First Friday of the month. This
morning during Mass, for a brief while, I saw the suffering Savior. What
struck me was that Jesus was so peaceful amidst His great sufferings. I
understood that this was a lesson for me on what my outward behavior should
be in the midst of my various sufferings. |
|
1468 |
For quite a long while, I felt pain in my hands,
feet and side. Then I saw a certain sinner who, profiting from my sufferings,
drew near to the Lord. All this for starving souls that they may not die of
starvation. |
|
1469 |
+ I went to confession to the chaplain [Father
Theodore] today. Jesus comforted me through this priest. O my Mother, Church
of God, you are a true Mother who understands her children... |
|
1470 |
Oh, how good it is that Jesus will judge us
according to our conscience and not according to people's talk and judgments.
O inconceivable goodness, I see You full of goodness in the very act of
judgment. |
|
1471 |
Although I am feeling weak, and my nature is
clamoring for rest, I feel the inspiration of grace telling me to take hold
of myself and write, write for the comfort of souls, whom I love so much and
with whom I will share all eternity. And I desire eternal life for them so
ardently that that is why I use all my free moments, no matter how short, for
writing in the way that Jesus wishes of me. |
|
1472 |
January 8. During Holy Mass, I had a moment of
knowledge concerning Father S., that great glory is being given to God
through our mutual efforts. And even though we are far from each other, we
are often together, because we are united by a common goal. |
|
1473 |
O my Jesus, my only desire, although I wanted to
receive You today with greater fervor than ever, nevertheless, precisely on
this day, my soul is drier than ever. My faith grows in power, and so the
fruit of Your coming, Lord, will be abundant. Although many a time You come
without touching my senses and reign only in the loftier part of me, the
senses too sometimes rejoice at Your coming. |
|
1474 |
I often ask the Lord Jesus for an intellect
enlightened by faith. I express this to the Lord in these words: "Jesus,
give me an intellect, a great intellect, for this only, that I may understand
You better; because the better I get to know You, the more ardently will I
love You. Jesus, I ask You for a powerful intellect, that I may understand
divine and lofty matters. Jesus, give me a keen intellect with which I will
get to know Your Divine Essence and Your indwelling, Triune life. Give my
intellect these capacities and aptitudes by means of Your special grace.
Although I know that there is a capability through grace which the Church
gives me, there is still a treasure of graces which You give us, O Lord, when
we ask You for them. But if my request is not pleasing to You, then I beg You,
do not give me the inclination to pray thus." |
|
1475 |
I strive for the greatest perfection possible in
order to be useful to the Church. Greater by far is my bond to the Church.
The sanctity or the fall of each individual soul has an effect upon the whole
Church. Observing myself and those who are close to me, I have come to
understand how great an influence I have on other souls, not by any heroic
deeds, as these are striking in themselves, but by small actions like a
movement of the hand, a look, and many other things too numerous to mention,
which have an effect on and reflect in the souls of others, as I myself have
noticed. |
|
1476 |
Oh, how good it is that our rule demands strict
silence in the dormitory [common bedrooms] and does not allow us to stay in
them unless it is absolutely necessary. I have at present a little room in
which two of us sleep, but at the time of my sickness when I had to stay in
bed, I found out how bothersome it was if someone was sitting in the bedroom
all the time. Sister N. 228
had some handwork to do and sat in the bedroom almost all of the time, and
another S. 229
would come to instruct her on how to do it. It's difficult to describe how
much this tires one, especially when one is ill and has spent a night in
pain. Every word has a repercussion somewhere in the brain, especially when
the eyes are heavy with sleep. O rule, how much love there is in you... |
|
1477 |
When, during Vespers, the Magnificat
was being sung and they came to the words, "He has shown the strength of
His arm," a profound spirit of recollection enveloped my soul, and I
understood that the Lord would soon accomplish His work in my soul. 230
I am not surprised now that the Lord did not disclose everything to me at first.
|
|
1478 |
+ Why are You sad today, Jesus? Tell me, who is
the cause of Your sadness? And Jesus answered me, Chosen souls who do
not have My spirit, who live according to the letter [cf. 2 Cor. 3:6] and
have placed the letter above My spirit, above the spirit of love. |
|
1479 |
O my Jesus, in terrible bitterness and pain, |
|
1480 |
+ Jesus, hide me in Your mercy and shield me
against everything that might terrify my soul. Do not let my trust in Your
mercy be disappointed. Shield me with the omnipotence of Your mercy, and
judge me leniently as well. |
|
1481 |
Today 231
during Holy Mass, I saw the Infant Jesus near my kneeler. He appeared to be
about one year old, and He asked me to take Him in my arms. When I did take
Him in my arms, He cuddled up close to my bosom and said, It is good for Me to
be close to your heart. "Although You are so little, I know that You
are God. Why do You take the appearance of such a little baby to commune with
me?" Because
I want to teach you spiritual childhood. I want you to be very little,
because when you are little, I carry you close to My Heart, just as you are
holding Me close to your heart right now. And with that, I was
again alone, but no one can conceive the emotions of my soul, I was so fully
plunged in God, like a sponge thrown into the sea... |
|
1482 |
+ O my Jesus, You know that I have gotten myself
into a lot of trouble for speaking out the truth. O truth, so often
oppressed, you nearly always wear a crown of thorns! O Eternal Truth, support
me that I may have the courage to speak the truth even if it would come about
that I would pay for it with my life. O Jesus, how hard it is to believe in
this, when one sees one thing taught and something else lived. |
|
1483 |
This is why, during the retreat, after a long
observation of life, I resolved to fix my eyes firmly on You, Jesus, the most
perfect of models. O eternity, which will uncover many secrets and make
manifest the truth... |
|
1484 |
O Living Host, support me in this exile, that I
may be empowered to walk faithfully in the footsteps of the Savior. I do not
ask, Lord, that You take me down from the cross, but I implore You to give me
the strength to remain steadfast upon it. I want to be stretched out upon the
cross as You were, Jesus. I want all the tortures and pains that You
suffered. I want to drink the cup of bitterness to the dregs. |
|
1485 |
The mercy of God, hidden in the Blessed Sacrament,
the voice of the Lord who speaks to us from the throne of mercy: Come to Me, all of
you. |
|
1486 |
Jesus: O soul steeped in darkness, do not
despair. All is not yet lost. Come and confide in your God, who is love and
mercy. |
|
1487 |
Jesus: Poor soul, I see that you suffer much
and that you do not have even the strength to coverse
with me. So I will speak to you. Even though your sufferings were very great,
do not lose heart or give in to despondency. But tell Me, my child, who has
dared to wound your heart? Tell me about everything, be sincere in dealing
with Me, reveal all the wounds of your heart. I will heal them, and your
suffering will become a source of your sanctification. |
|
1488 |
Conversation of the Merciful God with a Soul
Striving after Perfection. |
|
1489 |
Conversation of the Merciful God with a Perfect
Soul. |
|
1490 |
+ Jesus, source of life, sanctify me. O my
strength, fortify me. My Commander, fight for me. Only light of my soul,
enlighten me. My Master, guide me. I entrust myself to You as a little child
does to its mother's love. Even if all things were to conspire against me,
and even if the ground were to give way under my feet, I would be at peace
close to Your heart. You are always a most tender mother to me, and You
surpass all mothers. I will sing of my pain to You by my silence, and You
will understand me beyond any utterance... |
|
1491 |
+ The Lord visited me today and said, My daughter, do not
be afraid of what will happen to you. I will give you nothing beyond your
strength. You know the power of My grace; let that be enough. After these words, the
Lord gave me a deeper understanding of the action of His grace. |
|
1492 |
Before Holy Communion, Jesus gave me to understand
that I should pay absolutely no attention to what a certain sister would say,
because her cunning and malice were displeasing to Him. My daughter, do not
speak to this person about either your views or your opinions. I begged the Lord's pardon
for what in that soul was displeasing to Him, and I begged Him to strengthen
me with His grace when she would come to talk with me again. She has asked me
about many things, to which I gave answer with all my sisterly love and, as
evidence that I have spoken to her from the bottom of my heart, I have told
her some things that came from my own experience. But her intentions were
something quite different from the words on her lips... |
|
1493 |
+ O my Jesus, from the moment I gave myself
completely to You, I have given no thought whatsoever for myself. You may do
with me whatever You like. There is only one thing I think about; that is,
what do You prefer; what can I do, O Lord, to please You. I listen and watch
for each opportunity. It matters not if I am outwardly judged otherwise in
this matter... |
|
1494 |
January 15, 1938. Today, when the sister about
whom the Lord warned me came to see me, I armed myself spiritually for
battle. Although it cost me much, I did not depart one bit from what the Lord
had commanded. But when an hour had gone by, and the sister made no move to
go, I interiorly called upon Jesus to help. Then I heard a voice in my soul
saying, Do
not fear. I am watching you this very moment and am helping you. In a moment,
I will send you two sisters who are coming to visit you, and then you will
find it easy to continue the conversation. And at that moment two
sisters entered, and then the conversation was much easier, even though it
lasted for still another half hour. |
|
1495 |
Oh, how good it is to call on Jesus for help
during a conversation. Oh, how good it is, during a moment of peace, to beg
for actual graces. I fear most of all this sort of confidential conversation;
there is need of much divine light at times like this, in order to speak with
profit, both for the other person's soul, and for one's own as well. God,
however, comes to our aid; but we have to ask Him for it. Let no one trust
too much in his own self. |
|
1496 |
January 17, 1938. Today, since early in the
morning, my soul has been in darkness. I cannot ascend to Jesus, and I feel
as though I have been forsaken by Him. I will not turn to creatures for
light, because I know that they will not enlighten me if Jesus wills to keep
me in darkness. I submit myself to His holy will and suffer. Still, the
struggle is becoming more and more desperate. During Vespers, I wanted to
unite myself with the sisters through prayer. |
|
1497 |
When I went, in my thoughts, to the chapel, my
spirit was plunged into even greater darkness. Total discouragement came over
me. Then I heard Satan's voice: "See how contradictory everything is
that Jesus gives to you: He tells you to found a convent, and then He gives
you sickness; He tells you to set about establishing this Feast of Mercy
while the whole world does not at all want such a feast. Why do you pray for
this feast? It is so inopportune." My soul remained silent and, by an
act of will, continued to pray without entering into conversation with the
Spirit of Darkness. Nevertheless, such an extraordinary disgust with life
came over me that I had to make a great act of the will to consent to go on
living... |
|
1498 |
I remained silent, and by an act of will I dwelt
in God, although a moan escaped from my heart. Finally, the tempter went away
and I, exhausted, fell asleep immediately. In the morning, right after
receiving Holy Communion, I went immediately to my cell and falling on my
knees I renewed my act of submission in all things to the will of God.
"Jesus, I ask You, give me the strength for battle. Let it be done to me
according to Your most holy will. My soul is enamored of Your most holy
will." |
|
1499 |
At that moment, I saw Jesus, who said, I am pleased with
what you are doing. And you can continue to be at peace if you always do the
best you can in respect to this work of mercy. Be absolutely as frank as
possible with your confessor. |
|
1500 |
Today, the love of God is transporting me into the
other world. I am all immersed in love; I love and feel that I am loved, and
with full consciousness I experience this. My soul is drowning in the Lord,
realizing the great Majesty of God and its own littleness; but through this
knowledge my happiness increases... This awareness is so vivid in the soul,
so powerful and, at the same time, so sweet. |
Notebook I 1-50 51-100 101-150 151-200 201-250 251-300 301-350 351-400 401-450 451-500 501-521
Notebook II 522-600 601-650 651-700 701-750 751-800 801-850 851-900 901-950 951-1000
Notebook III 1001-1050 1051-1100 1101-1150 1151-1200 1201-1230
Notebook V
1322-1400 1401-1450 1451-1500 1501-1550 1551-1589
Notebook VI 1590-1650 1651-1700 1701-1750 1751-1803
Preparation for Holy Communion 1804-1828
Diary, St. Maria
Faustina Kowalska, Divine Mercy In My Soul
(c) Congregation of Marians of the Immaculate
Conception, Stockbridge, MA 01263.
To
purchase the dairy, visit the Marians of the
Immaculate Conception website
>>DIVINE MERCY APOSTOLATE
.... Diary
ohi e~~~~~~~~~~ e~~~~~~~~~~ e~~~~~~~~~~
e~~~~~~~~~~ e~~~~~~~~~~ hghmhi
>FFC >Youth >MASS >BIBLE >Catechism >Sacrament
>Saints >St Peters Church