Divine Mercy in my Soul PDF File

Notebook I          1-50 †  51-100  †  101-150  †  151-200  †  201-250  †  251-300 † 301-350  †  351-400  †  401-450  †  451-500  †  501-521 †  

Notebook II         522-600 †  601-650  †  651-700  †  701-750  †  751-800  †  801-850 †  851-900  †  901-950  †  951-1000  †  

Notebook III      1001-1050 †  1051-1100  †  1101-1150  †  1151-1200  †  1201-1230  †  

Notebook IV       1231-1321 †  

Notebook V        1322-1400 †  1401-1450  †  1451-1500  †  1501-1550  †  1551-1589  †  

Notebook VI      1590-1650 †  1651-1700  †  1701-1750  †  1751-1803  †  

Preparation for Holy Communion                1804-1828 †  




Diary – Divine Mercy in My Soul ( III:  1101 – 1150 )

Notebook 3


In the evening, I heard these words in my soul: My daughter, know that I shall speak to you in a special way through this priest [ Father Plaza [191] ] so that you may not yield to doubt concerning My wishes. Already in the first meditation my soul was struck by the following words of the priest: I must not oppose God's will and God's designs, whatever they might be; and as soon as 1 am convinced of the certitude and the authenticity of the will of God, I have the duty of carrying it out. No one can release me from this. Whatever the will of God may be, once I have come to know it, I ought to carry it out. This is just a very short summary, but the whole meditation imprinted itself on my soul, and I have no doubts about anything. I know what God wants of me, and what I ought to do.


There are, in my life, times and moments of spiritual insight; that is, divine illuminations, when the soul receives inward instruction about things it has not read in any book and has not been taught by any person. These are times of great inner knowledge which God himself imparts to the soul. These are great mysteries.... I often receive light and the knowledge of the interior life of God and of God's intimate disposition, and this fills me with unutterable trust and a joy that I cannot contain within myself; I desire to dissolve completely in Him....


+ The quintessence of love is sacrifice and suffering. Truth wears a crown of thorns. Prayer involves the intellect, the will, and the emotions.


Today there was a beautiful teaching [by Father Plaza on the goodness and mercy of God. During this conference my soul experienced the flames of God's love, and I understood that God's word is a living word.


My particular examen is still the same; namely, union with the merciful Christ, and silence. The flower which I lay at the feet of the Mother of God for May is my practice of silence.


+ Virtue without prudence is not virtue at all. We should often pray to the Holy Spirit for this grace of prudence. Prudence consists in discretion, rational reflection and courageous resolution. The final decision is always up to us. We must decide; we can and we ought to seek advice and light...


Today during meditation, God gave me inner light and the understanding as to what sanctity is and of what it consists. Although I have heard these things many times in conferences, the soul understands them in a different way when it comes to know of them through the light of God which illumines it.

Neither graces, nor revelations, nor raptures, nor gifts granted to a soul make it perfect, but rather the intimate union of the soul with God. These gifts are merely ornaments of the soul, but constitute neither its essence nor its perfection. My sanctity and perfection consist in the close union of my will with the will of God. God never violates our free will. It is up to us whether we want to receive God's grace or not. It is up to us whether we will cooperate with it or waste it.


In the last evening conference, which was a preparation for the renewal of vows, Father was speaking about the happiness that flows from the three vows, and about the reward that comes from observing them faithfully. Suddenly, my soul was thrown into great interior darkness. My soul was filled with bitterness instead of joy, and my heart was pierced with a sharp pain. I felt so miserable and unworthy of this grace and, conscious of my misery and unworthiness, I would not have dared to so much as approach the feet of the youngest postulant to kiss them. I saw the postulants, in spirit, beautiful and pleasing to the Lord; and myself, an abyss of misery. After the conference, I flung myself at the feet of the hidden God, midst tears and pain. I threw myself into the sea of God's infinite mercy, and only there did I experience relief and feel that all of His omnipotent mercy was enveloping me.


+ 30. This is the day for the renewal of vows.

Immediately upon my awakening, God's presence enveloped me, and I felt I was a child of God. Divine love was poured into my soul, and God gave me to see how everything depended on His will. He spoke these words to me: I want to grant a complete pardon to the souls that will go to Confession and receive Holy Communion on the Feast of My mercy. Then He said to me, My daughter, fear nothing. I am always with you, even if it seems to you that I am not. Your humility draws Me down from My lofty throne, and I unite myself closely with you.


29 [April 1937]. The Lord gave me to know about the disputes [192] that were going on in the Vatican concerning this Feast. The dignitary Pacelli did much work on this.


Today is the renewal; that is, the profession of vows [193] in the course of a solemn celebration. As the sisters were making their vows, I heard angels singing in various tones, "Holy, Holy, Holy," with chanting so delightful that no human tongue could ever match it.


In the afternoon, I talked with my beloved Mother Directress of Novices, Mother Mary Joseph. We walked once around the garden, and I was able to have a talk with her, although it was a rather general one. She is ever the same beloved Mother Directress of Novices, although she is in fact no longer the directress, but a Superior, and it is already ten years since I pronounced my vows. She told me that it is impossible for a religious to live without the cross. However, she revealed to me a certain suffering which I had experienced in Warsaw, although I had never told her about it. All the graces which I had received during the novitiate came back vividly before the eyes of my soul. Oh, how grateful I am to her! When my soul was plunged in darkness, and it seemed to me that I was damned, she wrenched me from that abyss by the power of obedience.


My soul is often burdened with suffering, and there is no human being who can understand these torments.


May 1, 1937. Today I felt the nearness of my Mother, my heavenly Mother, although before every Holy Communion I earnestly ask the Mother of God to help me prepare my soul for the coming of Her Son, and I clearly feel Her protection over me. I entreat Her to be so gracious as to enkindle in me the fire of God's love, such as burned in Her own pure heart at the time of the Incarnation of the Word of God.


May 4. Today I went to see Mother General [Michael] for a moment and asked her, "Dear Mother, have you had any inspiration regarding my leaving the convent?" Mother General answered, "Until the present, Sister, I have always restrained you, but now I leave you complete freedom to choose to do as you wish; you can leave the Congregation or you can stay." So I answered, "Very well." I thought of writing immediately to the Holy Father to ask him to release me from my vows. [194] When I had left Mother General, darkness once again descended upon my soul, as it had in the past. It is strange that, each time I ask permission to leave the Congregation, this darkness invades my soul, and I feel as though I have been left completely on my own. While experiencing this torment of the spirit, I decided to go immediately to Mother and tell her about my strange torment and struggle. Mother answered, "That leaving of yours is a temptation." After talking to her for a while I felt some relief, but the darkness persisted. "This Divine Mercy is a beautiful thing, and it must be a great work of the Lord, since Satan opposes it so much and wants to destroy it." Such were the words of our beloved Mother General.


No one can understand or comprehend, nor can I myself describe, my torments. But there can be no sufferings greater than this. The sufferings of the martyrs are not greater because, at such times, death would be a relief for me. There is nothing to which I can compare these sufferings, this endless agony of the soul.


May 5, [1937]. Today, I opened up my soul somewhat in confession, because it occurred to me that perhaps this is the real temptation: that at the time I ask to be allowed to leave the Congregation I experience such great suffering and darkness. To this the confessor replied that perhaps it was not the time appointed by God. "You must pray and wait patiently, but it is true that great sufferings are in store for you. You will have to bear many sufferings and overcome many difficulties; that much is certain. It would be better to wait and to pray much for deeper knowledge and for divine light. These are grave matters."


My God! In these difficult moments my spiritual director [Father Andrasz] is away, for he has gone to Rome. Jesus, since You have taken him away from me, guide me Yourself, because You alone know how much I can bear. I believe firmly that God cannot give me more than I can bear. I trust in His mercy.


In the moments when I am between heaven and earth, I keep silent, because even if I did speak, who would understand what I say? Eternity will reveal many things about which I am now silent...


When I went out into the garden, I saw how everything was breathing the joy of spring. The trees, adorned with flowers, gave off an intoxicating odor. Everything was throbbing with joy, and the birds were singing and chirping their adoration of God and said to me, "Rejoice and be happy, Sister Faustina"; but my soul remains in torment and darkness. My soul is so sensitive to the rustle of grace [that] it knows how to talk with all created things and with everything that surrounds me, and I know why God has adorned the earth in this way... But my heart cannot be joyful because my Beloved has hidden Himself from me, and I will not rest until I find Him... I do not know how to live without God, but I also feel that God, absolutely self-sufficient though He is, cannot be happy without me...


May 6, [1937]. The Ascension of Our Lord.

Since early this morning, my soul has been touched by God. After Holy Communion, I communed for a while with the heavenly Father. My soul was drawn into the glowing center of love. I understood that no exterior works could stand comparison with pure love of God... I saw the joy of the Incarnate Word, and I was immersed in the Divine Trinity. When I came to myself, longing filled my soul, and I yearned to be united with God. Such tremendous love for the heavenly Father enveloped me that I call this day an uninterrupted ecstasy of love. The whole universe seemed to me like a tiny drop in comparison with God. There is no greater happiness than when God gives me to know interiorly that every beat of my heart is pleasing to Him, and when He shows me that He loves me in a special way. This strong inner conviction, by which God assures me of His love for me and of how much my soul pleases Him, brings deep peace to my soul. Throughout this day I was unable to take any food; I felt gratified to the full with love.


God of great mercy, who deigned to send us Your only begotten Son as the greatest proof of Your fathomless love and mercy, You do not reject sinners; but in Your boundless mercy You have opened for them also Your treasures, treasures from which they can draw abundantly, not only justification, but also all the sanctity that a soul can attain. Father of great mercy, I desire that all hearts turn with confidence to Your infinite mercy. No one will be justified before You if he is not accompanied by Your unfathomable mercy. When You reveal the mystery of Your mercy to us, there will not be enough of eternity to properly thank You for it.


Oh, how sweet it is to have in the depth of one's soul that which the Church tells us we must believe. When my soul is immersed in love, I solve the most intricate questions clearly and quickly. Only love is able to cross over precipices and mountain peaks. Love, once again, love.


+ 12 [May 1937]. A strange darkness sometimes invades my intellect. I am submerged in nothingness ' against my will.


May 20, 1937. When for a whole month I had been enjoying good health, it occurred to me that I did not know which was more pleasing to the Lord-my serving Him in illness or in the robust health for which I had asked Him-and I said to the Lord, "Jesus, do with me as You please," and Jesus returned me to my previous condition.


Oh, how sweet it is to live in a convent among sisters, but I must not forget that these angels are in human bodies.


On one occasion, I saw Satan hurrying about and looking for someone among the sisters, but he could find no one. I felt an interior inspiration to command him in the Name of God to confess to me what he was looking for among the sisters. And he confessed, though unwillingly, "I am looking for idle souls [cf. Si. 33:28; Pr. 12:11]." When I commanded him again in the Name of God to tell me to which souls in religious life he has the easiest access, he said, again unwillingly, "To lazy and idle souls." I took note of the fact that, at present, there were no such souls in this house. Let the toiling and tired souls rejoice.


May 22, 1937. The heat is so intense today that it is difficult to bear. We are all thirsting for rain, and still it does not come. For several days the sky has been overcast, but there is no rain. When I looked at the plants, thirsting for the rain. I was moved with pity, and I decided to say the chaplet until the Lord would send us rain. Before supper, the sky covered over with clouds, and a heavy rain fell on the earth. I had been saying this prayer without interruption for three hours. And the Lord let me know that everything can be obtained by means of this prayer.

[May] 23. The Feast of the Most Holy Trinity.


During Holy Mass, I found myself suddenly united with the Most Holy Trinity. I recognized His majesty and greatness. I was united to the Three Persons. And once I was united to One of these Most Venerable Persons, I was at the same time united to the other Two Persons. The joy and happiness that my soul felt is beyond description. It grieves me that I am unable to put down in words that which has no words.


I heard these words: Tell the Superior General to count on you as the most faithful daughter in the Order. [195]


After these words, I received an inner understanding of what all created things are before God. Immense and incomprehensible is His majesty. And that He condescends toward us is the abyss of His mercy...


All things will have an end in this vale of tears,
Tears will run dry and pain will cease.
Only one thing will remain -
Love for You, O Lord.

All things will have an end in this exile,
The ordeals and wilderness of the soul.
And though she live in perpetual agony,
If God is with her, nothing can shake her.


27 [May 1937]. Corpus Christi.

During prayer, I heard these words: My daughter, let your heart be filled with joy. I, the Lord, am with you. Fear nothing. You are in My heart. At that moment, I knew the great majesty of God, and I understood that nothing could be compared with one single perception of God. Outward greatness dwindles like a speck of dust before one act of a deeper knowledge of God.


The Lord has poured such a depth of peace into my soul that nothing will disturb it any more. Despite everything that goes on around me, I am not deprived of my peace for a moment. Even if the whole world were crumbling, it would not disturb the depth of the silence which is within me and in which God rests. All events, all the various things which happen are under His foot.


This deeper knowledge of God gives me full liberty and spiritual freedom, and nothing can disturb my close union with Him, not even the angelic powers. I feel that I am great when I am united to God. What happiness it is to have the consciousness of God in one's heart and to live in close intimacy with Him.


When the procession from Borek [196] came to our house, carrying Him who was to be reposed in our chapel, I heard a voice coming from the Host: Here is My repose. During Benediction, Jesus gave me to know that soon a solemn moment would take place on this very spot. I am pleased to rest in your heart and nothing will stop Me from granting you graces. This greatness of God floods my soul, and I drown in Him, I lose myself in Him, I am melting away in Him...


May 30, [1937]. I am dying of yearning for God today. This longing fills all my soul. How very much I feel I am in exile. O Jesus, when will the longed-for moment come?


May 31. My tormented soul finds aid nowhere but in You, O Living Host. I place all my trust in Your merciful heart. I am waiting patiently for Your word, Lord.


Oh, what pain it causes my heart when I see a nun who has not the religious spirit! How can one be pleasing to God when one is inflated with pride and self-love under the pretense of striving for God's glory, while in fact one is seeking one's own glory? When I see such a thing, it gives me very great pain. How can such a soul be united closely with God? Union with the Lord is out of the question here.


June 1, 1937. Today, the Corpus Christi procession [197] took place. At the first altar, a flame issued from the Host and pierced my heart, and I heard a voice, Here is My resting place. My heart was enflamed, and I felt that I was transformed completely into Him.


In the evening, He gave me to understand how fleeting all earthly things are, and [how] everything that appears great disappears like smoke, and does not give the soul freedom, but weariness. Happy the soul that understands these things and with only one foot touches the earth. My repose is to be united with You; everything else tires me. Oh, how much I feel I am in exile! I see that no one understands my interior life. You alone understand me, You who are hidden in my heart and yet are eternally alive.


June 4. Today is the Feast of the Most Sacred Heart of Jesus. During Holy Mass, I was given the knowledge of the Heart of Jesus and of the nature of the fire of love with which He burns for us and of how He is an Ocean of Mercy. Then I heard a voice: Apostle of My mercy, proclaim to the whole world My unfathomable mercy. Do not be discouraged by the difficulties you encounter in proclaiming My mercy. These difficulties that affect you so painfully are needed for your sanctification and as evidence that this work is Mine. My daughter, be diligent in writing down every sentence I tell you concerning My mercy, because this is meant for a great number of souls who will profit from it.


+ During Adoration, the Lord gave me a deeper knowledge of matters connected with this work.


Today, I asked the Lord's pardon for all the offenses committed in our convents from which His divine Heart ! suffers.


+ June 6, [1937]. First Sunday of the month. Today I made my monthly retreat.

A light from the morning meditation: Whatever You do with me, Jesus, I will always love You, for I am Yours. Little matter whether You leave me here or put me somewhere else; I am always Yours.

It is with love that I abandon myself to Your most wise decrees, O God, and Your will, O Lord, is my daily nourishment. You, who know the beatings of my heart, know that it beats for You alone, my Jesus. Nothing can quench my longing for You. I am dying for You, Jesus. When will You take me into Your dwelling place [cf. Jn. 14:1-3]?


[Let] the greatest sinners place their trust in My mercy. They have the right before others to trust in the abyss of My mercy. My daughter, write about My mercy towards tormented souls. Souls that make an appeal to My mercy delight Me. To such souls I grant even more graces than they ask. I cannot punish even the greatest sinner if he makes an appeal to My compassion, but on the contrary, I justify him in My unfathomable and inscrutable mercy. Write: before I come as a just Judge, I first open wide the door of My mercy. He who refuses to pass through the door of My mercy must pass through the door of My justice...


When once I felt hurt because of a certain thing and complained to the Lord, Jesus answered, My daughter, why do you attach such importance to the teaching and the talk of people? I myself want to teach you; that is why I arrange things so that you cannot attend those conferences. In a single moment, I will bring you to know more than others will acquire through many years of toil.


June 20, [1937]. We resemble God most when we forgive our neighbors. God is Love, Goodness, and Mercy...

Every soul, and especially the soul of every religious, should reflect My mercy. My Heart overflows with compassion and mercy for all. The heart of My beloved must resemble Mine; from her heart must spring the fountain of My mercy for souls; otherwise I will not acknowledge her as Mine.


+ On several occasions, I have learned how some religious defend their own glory under the pretext of being concerned for the glory of God, whereas it is not a question of the glory of God, but of glory of self. O Jesus, how painful this has been for me! What secrets the day of Your judgment will bring to light! How can one steal God's gifts?


Today, I experienced a good deal of sorrow because of a certain person, a lay person, that is. On the basis of one true thing, she said many things which were fictitious. And because they were taken to be true and spread around the whole house, when the news reached my ears, my heart felt a twinge of pain. How can one abuse the goodness of others like that? But I resolved not to say a word in my defense and to show even greater kindness toward that person. I became aware, however, that I was not strong enough to bear this calmly, because the matter lingered on for weeks. When I saw the storm building up and the wind beginning to blow sand straight into my eyes, I went before the Blessed Sacrament and said to the Lord, "Lord Jesus, I ask You to give me the strength of Your actual grace, because I feel that I will not manage to survive this struggle. Shield me with Your breast."

Then I heard the words, Do not fear; I am with you. When I left the altar, an extraordinary peace and power filled my soul, and the storm that was raging broke against my soul as against a rock; and the foam of the storm fell on those who had raised it. Oh, how good is the Lord, who will reward each one according to his deed! Let every soul beg for the help of actual grace, as sometimes ordinary grace is not enough.


Notebook I          1-50 †  51-100  †  101-150  †  151-200  †  201-250  †  251-300 † 301-350  †  351-400  †  401-450  †  451-500  †  501-521 †  

Notebook II         522-600 †  601-650  †  651-700  †  701-750  †  751-800  †  801-850 †  851-900  †  901-950  †  951-1000  †  

Notebook III      1001-1050 †  1051-1100  †  1101-1150  †  1151-1200  †  1201-1230  †  

Notebook IV       1231-1321 †  

Notebook V        1322-1400 †  1401-1450  †  1451-1500  †  1501-1550  †  1551-1589  †  

Notebook VI      1590-1650 †  1651-1700  †  1701-1750  †  1751-1803  †  

Preparation for Holy Communion                1804-1828 †  


Diary, St. Maria Faustina Kowalska, Divine Mercy In My Soul
(c) Congregation of Marians of the Immaculate Conception, Stockbridge, MA 01263.

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